THIS IS MADNESS. THERE'S A DANCEY BIT. THERE'S A SOFT PIANO MIDDLE EIGHT. I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND HYPERVENTILATING WHILE DOING SO. YES IT'S THAT GOOD GREAT RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING.

So I better jot this down real quick when I still have a hold on myself. KYLIE MINOGUE is back with a BANG, no less. All The Lovers starts out with Kylie commanding us to "dance", and true to its first word the record is highly danceable right down from the verses to the very end. The verses are surprisingly as amazetastic as the chorus, which at a scale of 1 to 10 rates 87438765. Yes. The riffs with the "squiggly" (as Digital Spy said it and frankly there's no better way to describe this) synth lines are PREPOSTEROUSLY MIND-BOGGLING IN ALL ITS SHIMMERY SPLENDOR. And when the track reaches a high, Kylie delivers a very soft, intimate, and magical middle eight that just knocks it out of the ball park (reaching infinity and beyond). THIS is how it's done, ladies. Oh, and one more thing: it's not autotuned.

So, despite all the warbling I've been going at above, it's not enough to do this properly amazing record justice, so JUST LISTEN TO IT and give your ears a day at the most magical spa in musiclandia.